Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Smacktalk...what-ho

Yeah, in an attempt to motivate myself for the forthcoming "season" I am intending to try some "smacktalk" thanks to Dicky for the inspiration :) Bear with me as it does not come naturally to a slightly repressed middle-class English chap.

The "Bike of Doom" is all stripped down, but not like the dissassembled T-101 at the end of the Terminator film (films 2 and 3 don't count), more like the bionic man awaiting to be re-built faster, better, stronger. Some new bits to upgrade the killing capacity against geared bikes and coasting wusses (and to remove the clicking in the crank and headset!)

Frame is getting some powder coat in a top secret colour that will allow me to blend in with the scenery until I strike (Note to self: kill powder coaters after to keep secret safe). To allow me to stalk my prey for longer Jeff at Carousel is working on a frame bag to allow me to spend days lying in wait for an over-weight middle manager riding a skill-compensator to crush. The twin handle bar mounted bottles and Brooks saddle will get nods of approval from the old boys in the pub who remember 6-day events between the wars. Almost as satisfying as the ridicule from the camelbak pack-animals who just don't get it.

Having stripped it down I thought I would weigh the parts and frame, just because, well I am a geek. I would love to say that it was 6.66kg but after the digital scales stopped flashing "EvIL eRR0R" it turned out to be 4.45lbs for the frame and about 26lbs all up with Mich 29x2 tyres and slime tubes. Weight means nothing if it fails, I tell all the weight weenies this as my monster truck rolls over their Euro-Carbon paperweight as they attempt to fix it. "To finish first, first you must finish"

To allow faster running down and dispatch of the weak prey (hey, no point making them suffer too much) I am installing a pair of WTB Weirwolf 29x2.55" tyres...yep they fit in the back of the frame...with room to spare. BIG volume (like a Slayer gig) and a huge contact patch (sasquatch?) will allow me to ride like its an XC full-sus with none of the "should I 'push' 'pull' or 'wiggle' my shock...oh its blown anyway" shnaniganns. Inflate to <30psi and roll 'em.

















































Clad in natural Merino fibers I will be invisible to all sensors and scanners, the only thing that will announce my arrival will be silence and a sudden lack of single malt. Don't expect a fanfare, shouting, toe-to-toe confrotations or beer-can crushing. Just a thin guy on a bike pedalling like buggery, surfing the catastrophy curve as it intersects the singeltrack.

So thats the plan, SSUK08, GDR-UK and trails all over the country will feel the wrath of my two-wheeled juggernaut of doom. Or something.

Alex

5 comments:

miketually said...

lol, but Dicky does it better I'm afraid. I don't think English people can do smack talk.

Those tyres are huuuuge!

Alex said...

I just don't have enough contempt or bile unfortunately. Guess I am just too nice...although I did point out to Becca that the only reason I came 3rd in the MTB HImachal is so that I have 2 people to crush next year :)

The tyres are massive and only for dry(-ish) weather. You after some 29er tyres still? Just been clearing out the cellar and have found a stash :)

Alex

miketually said...

I bought some Nevegals off SingleSpeedStu on STW. Just need to find time to fit them and retape the bars (I suck at taping bars - I'm thinking of getting some track grips instead) and the Solly is good to go again.

I'm looking into getting a Yuba Mundo through the bike2work scheme, so I'll be back up to three working bikes again soon :)

Dan Lees said...

GDR-UK???

Alex said...

GDR-UK= "Get 'em Dai! Ride" AKA north to south Wales as a stag do for me this summer :)

4 days, bivvi stops and pub food ;)

Alex